This is not sadness due to personal happenings but of circumstances concerning several ones I love. 'Things" I just can't do anything about, I am helpless, my God is not. So I turn……..
I am glib, so free with my words and for the most part, I do mean them. I pray that I am what I speak. Certain heaviness has entered my life and I am at the stage of learning to handle it and find that I am passionately hanging on to my Halleluiah. I know joy, Joy is a person, I know strength, Strength is a person and I am experiencing My Lord's enduring presence right here, now . His joy is not just an emotional happenstance that is infused in me, it is a strength that holds me tight in the wakeful hours and guards me from "peace- devouring" self-pity in the night.
The storm in my life seems to be hovering on the shoulders of my grief and it is steering me toward that empty place that longs to swallows me up. If I give in to fear and misplace my focus on Joy, each day could become a time of looking at life through a sheer curtain dyed brown. This is a time of clinging of being needy of using God up in each moment. I will admit I need Him, He is the very essence of my every heartbeat, of the song in me, the prayers that welled up and overflow.
He desires my burdens, and I gladly give them to Him and pray that He will block my way back to them, so I can never pick them up again. I pray there may come a day with blue skies and gentle breezes when I will release the self-imposed "binding hold" that grips my body and relax in faith, a day when my Lord and I can share an uncomplicated, easy flowing fellowship because my needs will change, but that is the future, and I live in today. Today, with shaking knees on quaking bedrock, Joy and Strength are mine, praise your Holy Name, Lord Jesus.
Psalms 28:7-9 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever (in Your arms).
I will be "me". I will practice His joy with His strength.
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